The Wearing of Pants

The face(s) of politics.

2011-07-14T10:31:00.001-07:00

Man, these guys look like they could use a drink.

John Edwards: Mug Shot

2011-06-15T11:38:00.001-07:00

"Really, y'all, I'm just happy to be in the news again!"

The First Republican Debate (Barely Matters)

2011-06-14T17:55:00.000-07:00

Didn't watch the debate. Which is part of the reason why this picture is so convenient.

Rick Santorum's pants are too big.

Michele Bachman has good hair. Aforementioned eye make-up problems. Hate her shoes. And Jesus Christ, woman: tuck in your shirt.

Newt Gengrich doesn't matter.

Mitt Romney continues to look good in a suit and have Reed Richards hair, but what is up with his tie.

Ron Paul doesn't matter either.

Tim Pawlenty looks like he could host Dancing with the Stars. For better or for worse, I suppose.

Herman Cain and Newt Gengrich are both wearing yellow ties? And why is Herman Cain wearing a double-breasted suit.

Is it almost 2012 already?!

2011-06-06T16:49:00.000-07:00

Yes. Yes, it is.

Guys, this is going to be a hilarious primary season. It's going to be great. There are going to be so many suits and ties and haircuts and Republicans claiming they can make sure every American has a gun or something like that.

And I hope Sarah Palin stays around for a long time because that lady has got a hell of a wardrobe.

So, that's right.

I'M BACK.

DADT = Pretty Much Done

2010-12-18T21:46:00.000-08:00

Today the senate did a good thing, which is refreshing.

Wardrobe? Eh.

Listen up folks: I am never, ever a fan of wearing a T-shirt under a blazer type thing. Now, I realize this woman (Kirsten Gillibrand) is not wearing a Decemberists ringer tee or something, okay. She is wearing a nice T-shirt--maybe even a shell. But still. Would it really have killed her to put on a blouse? Or a turtleneck, I hear it is cold!

But Susan Collins looks nice, even if I am generally opposed to burgundy. I like that snazzy kind-of Mandarin collar.

Joe Lieberman looks goofy, but only because that is his face.

Man, I wish senator would wear a golfing Santa tie. That would be great.

Julian Assange: YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART.

2010-12-18T15:58:00.001-08:00

WHAT IS THIS COAT.

Putin wears black and white, sings.

2010-12-12T15:03:00.000-08:00

I'm just as astonished by this video as I should be. But that doesn't stop me from wondering why he isn't wearing a tie--he looks downright sloppy unbuttoned like that.

More Assange, with some Biden and Pelosi.

2010-12-12T13:36:00.000-08:00

Folks, this is crazy: Does Julian Assange Have a Profile on OKCupid?

OKCupid being the super-hip online dating site.

The pictures on his profile prove that Assange's aesthetic, which has been more or less praised on this site (go haircut, etc.), wasn't always so well-developed. In fact: don't look. It's just depressing.

In other news, here's a picture of Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi from last week:

While I like Biden's tie, I can't help but notice that he looks kind of...old. Which I suppose is understandable--apparently he got so worked up this past week he started using cusses in a meeting about the tax compromise you've probably heard about.

Obviously this isn't the most flattering picture of either one of them, or that blond woman in the back on the left. I'm not really on board with Pelosi's suit. It would benefit from not being the color of oatmeal, and probably also from being ruffle-free.

A bit more on Assange's aesthetic.

2010-12-12T08:29:00.001-08:00

Recent posts have been less about aesthetics and more about Bernie Sanders, so here's a nice sartorial post to get back on track.

Now, see, I think Assange looks pretty cool here. Tousled hair! Leather jacket! And normally I am not a fan of the man-turtleneck, but it works, I think. Maybe it's the cobblestones?

But this Vanity Fair writer begs to differ. (In case you don't click: the article is titled "So Much to Dislike About Julian Assange, Starting with His Hair.")

I'm going to stick with my own impressions, because, well, I don't want to be the kind of person whose opinion is immediately swayed by a Vanity Fair article.

Amazing video.

2010-12-09T16:51:00.003-08:00

Here's a Taiwanese animated version of the WikiLeaks situation:

This post isn't about clothes. Whatever.

2010-12-09T16:17:00.001-08:00

I am pretty into this quotation, which nytimes.com's The Lede blog posted:

Asked by a reporter on Thursday about the leaked U.S. cable that called him Russia's "alpha dog," Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin responded: "Do you think the American diplomatic service is a crystal clean source of information? Do you think so?"

Now, I am not a fan of Vladimir Putin, I think he is terrifying and I think that Larry King was super brave for interviewing him. But seriously, the man has a point here--even if said point reeks of pure condescension towards the United States (not that such a tone is shocking. I mean, he is Vladimir Putin).

I am really into Putin's response to the cables. His statements have been kind of ominous, and almost threatening--but I think that maybe I feel that way because he is Russian and as far as I'm concerned everything a Russian leader does is ominous and threatening. Anyway, he supposedly "warn[ed] that the United States should not meddle in Russian affairs."

You children. Don't meddle.

BONUS: Link to the Operation Payback--that group that is spearheading the Anonymous attacks on MasterCard, Visa, etc.--Twitter account here.

Assange's Fashion Sense

2010-11-30T15:55:00.000-08:00

This is what Julian Assange looked like in March 2010:

Here he is in August:

Basically what I'm saying here is that I'm glad Mr. Assange was able to get a good haircut before he got real busy shakin' up the international community. Because now he is basically on a Diplomatic Short List, and god knows it's hard to find a barber when INTERPOL is after your ass.

Additionally: is it treasonous to admit to liking that red tie?

Sigh.

2010-09-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh you guys, look at Obama in this picture:

That is the face of pure legislative/economic/public relations exhaustion, folks.

That said: he's still looking sharp. I really, really like that tie. It's a good tie.

And I guess politicians are basically obligated to wear American flag lapel pins at this point in time, right? So yeah, that's fine.

But really, with that expression on his face, I guess I shouldn't even bother with what he is wearing.

Where the Redfern Cusses

2010-09-22T16:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this is Chris Redfern (Ohio, Democrat) using some profane and also accurate language to describe the Tea Party freaks:

Personally, I'm pretty down with this guy. His shirt could use some pressing (ever heard of a starched collar, Mr. Redfern?) but his pants fit properly (that is where they are supposed to be on a politician) and he's got the good sense to wear an understated belt.

I'm guessing he's wearing brown loafers, and probably dark socks (fingers crossed).

Mostly though I like this guy because the tea party is full of fuckers. And I have to admire a man who is so impassioned about such a subject that he completely forgets that he needs to avoid cusses when on camera. I look at this as "Hey, this is a man who cares, and who(se wife) has a good sense of casual political dressing. I am glad he is not wearing jeans."

So, Mr. Redfern: sorry I am not a citizen of Ohio. If I were, you would get my vote. (Yes, that is all it takes to win me over: strategic use of the word "fuck," in any of its forms.)

What a disappointment.

2010-09-05T15:31:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted here in like sixty years, but that doesn't mean that politics has stopped churning out design disasters. Case in point: Obama's new Oval Office rug is apparently embroidered with...quotations.

This is unacceptable. Words are great for T-shirts, bulletin boards, magnets, and tattoos. They are not to be used as decoration--not stuck on walls, needle-pointed onto pillows, or stitched into carpets.

Even without acknowledging how bad this is from a decorating standpoint, this is still a national crisis, as one of the quotations is apparently misattributed. Martin Luther King, Jr. is getting credit for something from one of his speeches...that he lifted from someone else. Oh, great.

See a slideshow of the redesigned office here. Take care to note the godawful coffee table.

Barack and Biden: Business Casual

2008-10-02T09:53:00.000-07:00

Note the (solid) complimenting ties (I would've put Obama in a brighter red, personally), and the shocking whiteness of both their shirts. A high-quality dress shirt is a thing of beauty, my friends. Those shirts probably have a higher thread count than my sheets. (Actually that is patently untrue, as I am something of a snob about sheets, but you get the point.)

On the subject of thread count: that bunting looks pretty sad. The local Democratic Headquarters was clearly penny-pinching. Either that or the old woman who hand-makes it for the annual Fourth of July parade is a Republican.

John McCain and Sarah Palin are going flying

2008-09-17T04:22:00.000-07:00

Clearly this is a picture of an elderly gentleman, let us call him Joseph McAinsworthy, Esq., and his caretaker, Madeline "Maddie" Finsky, R.N. (affectionately known by her nursing school pals as "Anemic Ponytail"). They are headed to Samoa, where the warm weather will do wonders for Mr. Ainsworthy's respiratory system, much in the same way it aided R. L. Stevenson so many moons ago.

Michelle Obama wears a flower pin

2008-09-16T12:45:00.001-07:00

She looks really lovely in that color, and although I question the sturdiness of that pin (it looks rather like a strong breeze would detach it), I like this outfit, even if I can't see the bottom half of it (always a frustration). I also really like her watch.

ADD.: Or does she look washed out? Jesus Christ I can't decide.

Sarah Palin wears skirts

2008-09-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

With the exception of this ensemble, I completely approve of Sarah Palin's aesthetic.

This is not meant to imply that I approve of the woman at all. Even a little bit. Whatsoever.

Someone give this man a hug.

2008-09-16T12:26:00.000-07:00

Infinite points for emotion.

Joe Biden has a winning smile

2008-08-25T16:41:00.001-07:00

"Why, yes. Yes I do."

Barack Obama visits my hometown, wears an OK tie

2008-08-20T20:10:00.000-07:00

But honestly, Greensboro deserves better.

Design Showdown I: Campaign Logos

2008-08-19T07:56:00.000-07:00

I could have offered my opinions on campaign logos about six months ago, but I didn't. Instead I waited, for the sake of convenience, for the American people to whittle it down to two candidates. (Thanks guys!)

And so here we are, with John McCain and Barack Obama. Two men with very different design teams.

First, McCain (pulled from johnmccain.com):

I'm assuming that this color scheme (not-quite-navy blue and gold) and star (reminiscent of military uniforming) is to ensure that none of us ever forget that first and foremost, John McCain is a hero-soldier. That said, why on earth would this campaign chose to go with anything other than red, white, and blue? I suppose they wanted to be different, and I can understand that a logo such as this, with such a forceful superiority complex, would be difficult to turn down. But for a campaign that emphasizes patriotism above almost everything else, this seems to be a bit of an odd choice, especially when one considers the thousands of rabid McCain supporters who are currently gnashing their teeth in outraged response to the Obama campaign plane's redesign.

And now, to the Obama logo, here thanks to Google Image Search:

I hate this.

According to something I read, Obama was initially put off by the corporate-ness of it, and I have to agree with him. His design team was clearly trying to create something that would stand alone, without the burden of name or web address. But the thing of it is, if you're a candidate, your logo is your name--you are your name. You don't need a stand-in, especially if your name is just "Obama". Maybe if his name were van Dusseldorfenheim, I would've understood, if not actually advocated, some consolidation. But this crop-field-and-glowing-sun is ridiculous. After all, he's running for president, not Secretary of Agriculture. Not to mention that, yeah, this is a political logo that seems to fashion its leader as something of a sun, or at least a sunrise. If Louis XIV had had to run for an office, he would've wanted a logo like this. Only slightly showier, with gilt edges and a fleur-di-lis or six tucked in somewhere.

Conclusion: They should've hired me.

Hillary Clinton wears big earrings

2008-08-07T19:46:00.000-07:00

I am so glad that LOSING didn't affect her aesthetic.

Paris Hilton has lousy taste in bathing suits

2008-08-06T17:27:00.001-07:00

The worst part: This photograph actually is relevant to the election.

Barack Obama is loved

2008-04-30T15:01:00.000-07:00

And looks good in his shirtsleeves.

Hillary and Chelsea share a magical moment

2008-04-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

After hearing that their family has conquered Pennsylvania.

Hillary Clinton won't close her mouth.

2008-04-22T20:40:00.000-07:00

Oh shut your gob.

Why is there so much stuff around her neck? How man necklaces/scarves/collars does one woman need?

John McCain stands near women who could probably beat him to a pulp

2008-04-14T21:26:00.001-07:00

This is a surprisingly safe tie for McCain, who typically likes to preserve his maverick-ness by breaking bad in ties that can be accurately described as "_______ sorbet." So this tie is unexciting and acceptable.

The real issue here is: Why isn't is jacket buttoned? He's standing. That's the rule. He should know by now.

Hillary Clinton wears kitten heels

2008-04-02T14:24:00.001-07:00

For some reason, this is what that picture says to me: Ha-ha! Yes! Just you wait and see!

Obama bowls, looks pretty svelte

2008-03-30T09:57:00.001-07:00

Excuse me, but I have never seen bowling shoes that looked like this, not even a little bit. Where I come from, they are always red and blue. And they have laces, not...velcro? I am pretty sure these are cooler looking, but somehow I pine for the hideous bowling shoes of old. They are charming.

In other news, the man continues to look like a winner in a white shirt that fits, really, just perfectly.

Obama grimly accepts endorsement from man with patriotic tie

2008-03-21T17:05:00.001-07:00

I can't really tell what his tie looks like, but I can safely say that it's probably nothing to write home about. But let's take a look at Richardson's neckwear.

Well. Now that is a classy tie. Little baby American flags dancing across a sky of deep blue. It's both patriotic and the opposite of subtle. I bet he owns a pair of those corduroys with animals embroidered on them, too. Forest green with mallards, maybe.

Hillary Clinton does not require security guards observe holiday dresscodes

2008-03-17T16:44:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of Hillary Clinton marching in the St. Patrick's Day parade in Scranton, Pa. For the record, this parade did not actually take place today, but on Saturday. People are always just chomping at the bit to have their holiday parades.

As someone who is always, always, always enchanted by holidays (my home is transitioning between St. Pat's and Easter as we speak), I cannot help but be charmed by Hillary's efforts here. Mostly I am thrilled because my mother owns a scarf nearly identical to the shamrock-patterned one she is wearing--and although I hesitate to make any comparison between my mother and Hillary Clinton, it is nice to see such an admirable accessory getting some exposure.

I would like to take a moment to acknowledge the gentleman with the green-and-white striped tie, whom I salute for a classy and admirable expression of holiday appreciation. On the other hand: shame on you, security-looking fellow who is wearing what appears to be a light-blue tie! Where is your holiday spirit?

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Jeremiah Wright preaches edgy sermons

2008-03-14T20:19:00.000-07:00

This is a picture Barack Obama and the Reverend Jeremiah Wright. It was taken in 2005, before Wright had clinched the title of Preacher-King of Verbal Missteps of the Political Sort.

Back then all the reverends wore black scoop-neck tees.

Hillary Clinton is wearing a lot of pink

2008-03-13T21:06:00.001-07:00

There's not much to say about this. It's amazing; it's ghastly. It's hot pink. And there is so much matching.

I understand that every now and then HRC has to make it a point to remind the American public that she is, in fact, female--but that does not mean she needs to dress like Cuckqueaned First Lady cum Irritating Presidential Candidate Barbie^TM.

(Note: This picture really doesn't do the ensemble justice. For the full effect, you'd really need to watch the interview.)

The parade of amazing Barack Obama clothing continues.

2008-03-12T06:01:00.001-07:00

I know, I know. I want one too.

Hillary Clinton is hungry for infants

2008-03-11T15:51:00.001-07:00

We here at Pants do not believe in giving politicians babies, neither permanently nor on loan. Which is why I am kind of sad that this baby, who, according to the Chicago Tribune (may I call it the Trib? is that something they do? and, if so, is it something only the locals are allowed?) is a mere 14 months old, is being passed around like a talking stone.

(By the way, this kid's name Charlie Verner-Waldner. Why his parents thought it was O.K. to hyphenate that shit is beyond me.)

Babies should be treasured. Not thrown to the wolves--or, in this case, hoisted into the eager claws of the woman who, despite my best efforts, continues to wear those crazy Star Trek/Elvis collars.

All of that said, Baby Verner-Waldner is dressed pretty adorably, what with his scrunched-up pants and teeny shoes (I do realize that 'teeny' is something of a prerequisite for baby shoes, but it never ceases to amaze me how small they actually are). Sue Waldner, his mother, who gets to have only one last name, has very sharp sideburns, which is a cute style if you are a pixie, but not so much if you are trying to help Hillary Clinton win the nomination via Positive Baby Press.

This dog is wearing people clothes

2008-03-11T15:40:00.000-07:00

As someone who is opposed to both (a) owning tiny dogs and (b) dressing any animal as if it were a doll, I can only say, "Well, it could be worse. That rat could be endorsing John McCain."

(I'm pretty sure 'Obama' is written in Sharpie. Looks like the candidate-specific dogshirt hasn't yet hit the shelves.)

Tucker Carlson is a failure

2008-03-10T18:02:00.001-07:00

So, "Tucker" has been canceled. Yes, that's right: that smirking, bowtie-wearing good ol' boy no longer has license to annoy the public during the early evening hours.

Honestly, I'm a little ashamed of how much play Spitzer has gotten today. So I'm making it up to all of us with this little piece of programming triumph.

Eliot Spitzer is a superdelegate

2008-03-10T12:45:00.001-07:00

Silda Spitzer either cares a whole lot or very little about how she looks right now, I would guess. Either she figures keeping up appearances is the most important thing in the world, or she thinks it is for the dogs. Either way, I am impressed. She looks both somber and pulled together, which seems like, in her situation, would be remarkably difficult. I like her double strand of pearls and the fact that she didn't do what a lot of women might do in such a situation, which is wear a dark color.

Clearly Eliot chose his most patriotic tie for the event. It's not too bad, but I'm not really charmed by it; it looks very grade-school. I can see a little boy with a navy blazer and bucks wearing it to Sunday school. I guess that can be said for a lot of ties, but for whatever reason, this one really screams "second grade."

Obviously Spitzer's real aesthetic problem is his face, about which I can do nothing. Not that I would if I could. He's earned those ears.

Monday is weird

2008-03-10T11:12:00.000-07:00

So apparently there is a website called bridesdecide.com. Its motto/slogan thing is, "Get engaged in the 2008 election." Obviously this is terribly clever.

I'm pretty sure that my particular reaction--disgust, which may or may not be warranted--comes from the feeling that this website implies that, for whatever reason, some particular group of women--that is, the "savvy ones like us" (whomever "us" is supposed to be; maybe the creators of theknot.com, thenext.com, and weddingchannel.com? Wait--there is a wedding channel?) need a particular website to make it easier for them to navigate the tricksy world of online political coverage.

CNN is good enough for me--but, then again, I am not getting hitched anytime soon.

On a completely and totally unrelated note (unless you count that this, too, is really strange): Eliot Spitzer has announced that he was involved in a prostitution ring? (It's possible that this is the ring in question.)

This is a picture of Gov. Spitzer. Obviously it is not just a photograph, but also a book cover. I wasn't going to use it until I decided to seize the opportunity to have the expression "spoiling for a fight" on Pants. For the record, I do not approve of that tie, the pattern of which I would describe as "Latticework in brick red, goldenrod, and cerulean."

Barack Obama is a cowboy

2008-03-09T16:24:00.001-07:00

Exhibit A.:
Exhibit B.:
Seeing as how Yul Brynner has always been my president, I am pretty O.K. with this.

Ron Paul is a political genius

2008-03-07T19:44:00.001-08:00

His tie is hideous and stupid. Of course it's hideous and stupid. He's Ron Paul.

Hillary Clinton finds her favorite pantsuit pattern, vows to wear it into the ground

2008-03-04T20:31:00.000-08:00

Playing charades with Tim Russert:
Smiling past the pain:
Keeping her chin up after losing Vermont:

For Hillary, victory is fleeting

2008-03-03T19:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I said there was an exception to the Obama-always-wins-the-photo-contest-rule. As of this moment, there is only one exception.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you:

Every Detail of Hillary's Face v. Conviction Personified

Let's break it down.

How did that first picture happen? Well, basically, Hillary Clinton never thought such close-ups were going to be taken. I am kind of glad, however, that I can finally see her earrings, which normally look like globs of melted gold. (Apparently my suspicions have been confirmed. Also: my friends, I think those may be clip-ons. I can't decide if this surprises me or not.)

And that second photo, well. Clearly Barack learned from that hypnotism picture. Because (a) he's not wearing a white tie, and (b) well, he doesn't look like he's hypnotizing anyone.

Hillary Clinton wins the photo contest, for once

2008-03-02T14:45:00.000-08:00

Generally speaking, I regard the photographs taken of candidates as contests. And, as a general rule, Hillary Clinton always loses, because she smiles freakishly, has a lousy haircut, and wears the least flattering clothing she can find.

But there is always an exception to every rule, and Ohio seems to be one of them. Below are two photographs taken in Ohio, where the senators are campaigning for their lives.

And so, may I present:

Epic Woman World Changer v. Hypnotist in a White Tie

I know. I don't like it any more than you do. We all know how I feel about white ties.

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama smile

2008-03-02T14:39:00.000-08:00

Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have such different Happy Faces. Hillary always looks like she is purposely arching her eyebrows and keeping her mouth open, whereas Barack often looks genuinely happy. I cannot decide if that means that Barack is just the better actor, or that Barack is genuinely happy, or if it's just that Barack Obama is the more attractive human being.

That said, I really can't figure out what Barack's shoulders are doing in that picture. They are up to here. Also: how many light blue ties does that man own?

PS. Oh man y'all, it's March.

Mike Huckabee continues to run for president, is violent

2008-02-28T14:23:00.000-08:00

Two things:

I am opposed to watches that are not circles. There, I said it.
From what very little of that tie I can see, it makes me think of Christmas.

In other news, MIKE HUCKABEE IS PUNCHING THAT MAN IN THE FACE.

Details here.

Hillary Clinton proves that she is not Harrison Ford, Barack Obama takes my advice

2008-02-27T07:17:00.001-08:00

Apparently Hillary, too, has seen the new (fake) Indiana Jones poster. I can't think of any other reason for her to choose to wear this hideous tweed to the debate. I mean, there is good tweed, and there is bad tweed, and Hillary--I hope this doesn't come as a shock--you are not Indiana Jones.

Barack, on the other hand, was dressed very encouragingly. He, or one of his wardrobe consultants, has apparently been reading my blog. That is a nice royal blue tie with a clean white stripe. Nothing to hate.

As far as the actual debate goes, my favorite parts were when they showed video clips of Hillary from here and here. And when Brian Williams had to resort to hilarious tactics to get Hillary Clinton to shut up so they could go to a commercial break: "television doesn't stop."

Nor does it make hideous clothing look O.K. Remember that, Hilly.

Here is a link to an "interactive video" of the debate. Note that one of the debate "chapters" is entitled "Celestial Choirs". On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you think Hillary's regretting that stand-up routine of hers?

Christopher Dodd and Barack Obama glow with joy

2008-02-26T09:22:00.001-08:00

Clearly Christopher Dodd was just told the best joke in the world by the best teller of jokes in the world. Nothing could rain on his parade. Not the fact that his eyebrows and his hair are the exact opposite colors, not the fact that, in lieu of a neck, he has a ginormous second chin. This is a happy man.

Barack Obama, on the other hand, is looking pretty serene, like he's about fourteen and just wrapped up a slam-bang portrayal of Joseph in a Christmas pageant. He didn't trip on his robe, he didn't drop the Baby Jesus, etc.

Or maybe his face is just saying, See, Hillary? Everyone likes me better.

Either way, these men are radiant.

SPECIAL FEATURE: FANART

Thanks, Joshua! Keep 'em coming!

George W. Bush wears a lovely shade of green, sits on a throne

2008-02-25T19:42:00.001-08:00

Alright, we've all seen this picture. I wasn't going to post it, because Hillary's hat-wearing adventures are more interesting. Plus this is old news. But.

Mainly I want to point out that he didn't unbutton his jacket. I have many other reasons for disliking George W. Bush, and his inability follow basic rules of menswear is not helping.

Hillary Clinton once wore one of those cool hats

2008-02-25T18:00:00.000-08:00

I kid you not. (Details.)

PS. Does anyone know the real name for this kind of hat? If so, please share.

Wikipedia says: conical hat, sedge hat, rice hat, paddy hat or coolie hat

(Thanks to Lindsey, for researching like a champ!)

Hillary Clinton is a sarcastic bumblebee

2008-02-25T06:23:00.001-08:00

Details here and here. That second one's a video.

Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are yelling

2008-02-23T21:13:00.001-08:00

MY GOD I AM ANGRY

Hillary Clinton wears pink, uses fighting words

2008-02-23T16:46:00.000-08:00

Have a looksee:

Barack wears a red tie, Hillary's collar is bigger in Texas

2008-02-21T19:29:00.000-08:00

I can't find a picture that does justice to the ridiculous nature of Hillary Clinton's Austin Debate Collar. That suit was horrible. You'd probably just have to watch the video to really understand just how much of a travesty it really was. (I use the past tense in the hopes that someone has destroyed it by now. No presidential nominee needs a Star Trek/Elvis collar. That's actually what I said when she walked on-stage: Whoa, Star Trek/Elvis collar!)

Barack Obama's tie was actually pretty decent but, like most of his ties, it didn't do well on film--at least, not consistently. For example, one cannot tell that this tie is actually patterned--it looks like it's just some glossy solid. It's actually a bit checkered. The color leaves something to be desired--"raspberry sorbet-colored" is a not a compliment--but compared to those much-loathed stripes of a few days back, this is almost a success.

Really, though, Hillary's collar monopolized my aesthetic criticisms--and, honestly, my attention--for the night. The thing was profoundly distracting, what with its gold accents and constant repositioning. It was never even. I wanted to reach into my television and jerk it straight (either that, or turn it up, just for kicks).

Hillary Clinton once wore a dress

2008-02-21T14:40:00.001-08:00

Proof:I know, right?

John McCain's wife is probably made of plastic

2008-02-21T08:03:00.000-08:00

Seriously.

Barack Obama claps, is a winner, still wears disappointing ties

2008-02-20T08:02:00.001-08:00

Barack Obama doesn't normally stray from white-shirt territory. Generally speaking, that's McCain's arena. (See "Midas touch.")

I think the light blue shirt is nice. It works.

That said, the more I look at that tie, the more I hate it. At first I thought, "Hey. I can't complain. It's not a pale blue tie." But then I realized that those stripes are stupid.

Still, though. Congratulations, Obama!

And, y'know, just for fun:

George Sr. is older than John McCain

2008-02-18T19:23:00.001-08:00

John McCain should pay George Sr. to stand behind him and look old. Preferably just as he is doing in the picture, with one eye slightly more open than the other and his jacket a little uneven, as if his shoulders have off-kiltered.

I wonder what those little thingies on George Sr.'s tie are. Mallards, perhaps. They're always putting mallards on ties.

Glad to see McCain has moved on from gold. I do wish, however, that he hadn't moved to "patterned taupe."

Barack Obama is yelling

2008-02-17T10:04:00.001-08:00

THAT TIE IS FINE, BUT WHY IS HE WEARING A BRACELET?

EDIT: I am a horrible person. Proof.

Double Feature: Hillary and Obama caught in unfortunate poses

2008-02-15T13:28:00.000-08:00

In this picture, Hillary Clinton has no neck.

That is because (a) she is apparently one of those unfortunate people who turtles her head back when she laughs, and (b) her neck is obscured by an oversize mandarin collar--wait. Wait. Is that a scarf? Is that a scarf carefully tucked into the gap between the shoulder pads?

I don't know. I am at a loss.

Either way, that button is ridiculous, her earrings look like they are plastic, and she has eighteen chins. I cannot blame her for that last bit, but she is entirely responsible for everything else.

This pose is not as unfortunate as Hillary's. This is probably because Barack Obama is just the better-looking human being, or because the photographers just like Obama better. The first is a truth, the second is is just a probability. Probably no one likes taking pictures of the Clintons. They are always pointing.

From what little bit I can see of Obama's tie, I don't like it. It is a late nineties tie. This is evidenced by its profoundly dark color and the uninspired dot pattern.

All of that said, it is not a mandarin collar, and for that I am eternally grateful.

John McCain tries to add the Midas touch, fails, is still old

2008-02-13T14:39:00.001-08:00

When it all comes down to it, I suppose I don't really mind McCain's ties. At least as far as his general choices go. It's almost impressive that he dares to wear colors that aren't red or blue, or variations thereof. Last night he was wearing peach! And I guess I was O.K. with that.

But. Ahem. Gold? No. No, I think not.

I hesitate to completely condemn it because I appreciate the fact that someone had the wherewithal to stop him from wearing a shiny gold tie with a white shirt. He must have been hobbling out of the door and his great-great-grandson saw him and jumped up and did some quick thinking. "GREAT-GREAT-GRANDFATHER! YOU CANNOT WEAR A WHITE SHIRT WITH A SLICK, SHINY GOLD TIE. THIS IS POLITICS, NOT CASINO NIGHT. I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU REALLY WANT TO GO WITH THE GOLD TIE, BUT HERE, LET'S TRY TO COUNTERACT IT WITH A NICE LIGHT BLUE OXFORD. HOW ABOUT THAT, GREAT-GREAT-GRANDFATHER?"

So, young McCain, good work! Solid effort.

In other news: those baby train cars behind McCain are apparently for the Senate. I did not know the Senate had its own baby train.

Barack Obama has great hands, is beloved by children and Rastafarians

2008-02-13T06:31:00.003-08:00

Exhibit A.:That's all.

Jeb Bush wears green, pretends his opinion counts

2008-02-11T19:07:00.001-08:00

Hi, I'm Jeb Bush! Remember me? No, probably not. You were probably trying to forget. Well, anyway, I'm just here to say that, in my opinion, McCain is the best candidate to repair my brother's mistakes. After all, that's all they were, guys. Mistakes. I mean if it is hard to run Florida, where most people are nearly dead, then it must be harder to run Texas! Texas is bigger! And then it is even even harder to run the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. I mean that's what George tells me. But you know what is hardest of all to run? Iraq. I know, right?

But I'm just saying, elect John McCain, because he just seems like a nice guy, even if he is old. I mean, really old.

Do you like my tie? George says I can't wear red or blue because those are his colors. I suggested purple as a combination but Mom said that purple gives the wrong impression, and I should wear green and so here I am!

Hillary Clinton gets new campaign manager, may stop wearing banana-colored things

2008-02-10T20:58:00.000-08:00

I just don't like the color yellow, and I have decided that the color yellow on Hillary Clinton is no exception.

She really did get a new campaign manager. And who knows. Maybe it really is about the yellow. Probably not. Probably Hillary Clinton just puts on a blindfold and wanders into her closet full of pantsuits and grabs one. She doesn't need to worry about what color her pantsuit is. She's got bigger fish to fry.

Hillary and Chelsea wear gray, suck at accessorizing

2008-02-08T15:18:00.000-08:00

So Hillary Clinton and her people are pissed because of a pretty tactless (and rather crude, really) remark made by MSNBC's David Shuster. Basically he said that the Clinton campaign was wrong to get Chelsea to call the superdelegates of the Democratic Party. Unfortunately, Shuster expressed this opinion with rather unfortunate word choice--generally speaking, "pimp" is a word you don't want associated with your campaign.

In honor of this most recent debacle (which is threatening the success of the upcoming MSNBC debate between Clinton and Obama), I am going to judge Hillary and Chelsea. Not on their political strategies, but, instead, on their wardrobes.

My main question regards Chelsea's scarf. How long is that thing? And why is it so long? I get the impression it had to be wrapped around her neck a good five or six times to insure that she would not trip over it. Long scarves are a pet peeve of mine. They are unnecessary. They are constantly trying to trip you up and it takes a century to unwind them. Also, they are high-risk attire. A long scarf will inevitably become slightly unwound, and then it will drag the ground, and then one of your mom's (or your dad's, or maybe your) Secret Service agents will step on it, and you will jerk back and GAUH and then BAM, Mom has to drop out of the race because the oxygen deprivation, coupled with the concussion you got when you hit the pavement, resulted in your untimely death.

And on top of all of that, it is ugly. Really it is nothing more than an unattractive death trap.

Romney drops out, still dresses like a winner

2008-02-07T15:09:00.000-08:00

I can be nicer to Mitt Romney now that I know we're out of the Mormon woods. Not that I was ever critical of his clothing choices. That's because I can separate a man's wardrobe from his religion.

As always the pale blue ties of the world are united against me (I am really starting to resent them), but I like the texture of this one--or at least the illusion granted by the pattern. And Romney's suit, well, the man can just wear a suit. They do not wear him. McCain always looks a little...shrugged into his suits. And the fit of Obama's tux here is just unfortunate. (I'm not even going to discuss Michelle Obama's dress in that picture. It'd be like shooting fish in a barrel. Suffice it to say that I do not know what the hell that fluffy thing on her wrist is.)

EDIT: I just noticed that Band-Aid. I just thought I'd make sure you notice it, too.

Barack Obama stands in flattering lighting, smiles, seems like a nice guy

2008-02-06T14:59:00.000-08:00

O.K., O.K. Sometimes pastels are acceptable. Easter. Spring.

Or when you are running for president and some photographer takes a really wonderful picture of you while you happen to be wearing yet another light blue tie.

Although I have bitched--and will, more than likely, continue to bitch--about Barack Obama's seemingly endless collection of light blue ties, I actually really like this particular specimen. It's dark enough to it stands out (that is, I did not have to squint at my screen and find alternate photographs so as to be completely certain it is not white), and the color really does look great on him. Additionally, the varying color of the (rather elegantly thin) stripes--they actually contrast with the fabric, unlike the previously mentioned sheen-polka dots--makes it interesting.
All around, Barack just looks great here. That suit photographs well, his posture his human, and remarkably relaxed; his watch is practical and clean. Hopefully this shot is just as candid as it looks. The man looks calm, capable, and happy. All exciting and rare things for a politician.

Hillary Clinton wears yellow suit, points, looks insane

2008-02-06T14:36:00.001-08:00

That's all.

Super Tuesday: Obama

2008-02-05T16:28:00.000-08:00

I want at Barack Obama's tie collection. So I can alter it to provide for more than just Easter and funerals.

That said, it is just adorable that he is in a gymnasium.

I just wish he'd come out with a nice royal blue every once in a while.

Just give him a scarf, then.

2008-02-01T21:10:00.000-08:00

If anyone wants proof that my blog is tremendously important, just read this article.

My favorite quotation is from Robert Gibbs, apparently one of Obama's top advisors, regarding the introduction of the necktie in Obama's campaign: “It may have had something to do with the weather,” Gibbs said, shrugging. “I don’t know.”

What, to keep warm? It's a tie, Gibbs. You're not fooling anyone.

Debate Duds: Late January

2008-01-31T21:15:00.001-08:00

For starters, the Dems:

First off, let me just say that I applaud CNN's decision to dope the candidates first. Just look at those smiles!

Now to the business of things.

Excuse me, but who picked out Barack Obama's tie? Probably his wife. And, you know, Michelle does a pretty decent job of dressing herself. She's no Jackie O., but the pink suit she rustled up for the South Carolina victory rally wasn't too bad, even if the sleeves were an awkward length and the fit was a bit off. And, for the record, I liked Obama's SC tie. It looks like one of those really good tight-striped candy canes.

That said, when your husband is going off to butt heads with Hillary Clinton on national television, he should not be wearing a tie that can be described as "ice blue, with subtle polka dot-like things." Why not? Well, because "ice blue" is a color that should be reserved for parachute pants, polka dots are never subtle, and, in certain lighting, the tie looks white. And, in my opinion, you do not wear a white tie unless you are (a) wearing a black or navy shirt, or (b) getting hitched.

Onto Hillary. Even though I dislike the woman and her haircut, I have to give her credit for tonight. She's really working the earth tones, and the turquoise was a great choice. Turquoise is so nice with brown. Sure, it kind of looks like she's going to a New Mexico debate, but this is L.A., so it's kind of close. As always her pants make it clear that she has fence posts for legs, but I'm going to let that slide because her neckline tonight was nice. And I just really like the turquoise.

This one goes to Hilly.

Now, the Repubs.

Mitt Romney, God bless his Mormon soul, seems destined to win this campaign's fashion award. I mean, look at that suit. The man is wearing navy blue. That, my friends, is daring. And the oh-so-subtle (Barack, take note) stripe variation on that tie? Mitt, you have hit a home run.

Oh, John McCain. You're so old. But! You tried. You really did. You paired blue-and-blue. Although I have a hunch that you (I mean, your dresser) only did this so that you wouldn't look quite so pale, I still applaud your efforts.

Unfortunately, even if you do pull out the pinstripes and the dark/light variations, you're never going to beat Glove.

Play again soon, folks.