The Wearing of Pants

CINDER “I’M-KIND-OF-A-PUSHOVER” ELLA

[ ] You sing—well, trill, really—in the shower. (Extra point if these showers are cold and brief.)
[ ] You’re forgetful enough to get so caught up in the moment that you forget a VERY SPECIFIC AND POTENTIALLY TRAUMATIC EVENT will happen in midnight, and you better get the hell away from the prince unless you want him to call your bluff.
[ ] You wouldn’t go to the prince and explain the situation (placing careful emphasis, of course, on the fact that, no, seriously, you really are wealthy and noble, it’s just you got totally gypped on the stepmother/-sisters thing (THANKS DAD, GOD REST HIS GOOD SOUL)).
[ ] You wouldn’t have the personal strength—weakness?—to not be a complete bitch to your step-demons and step-satan. Always. Especially when she asked you to clean the drapes and wash the floor when you’d JUST DONE THAT YESTERDAY, YOU HAG.
[ ] You’re capable of carrying three breakfast tray. ON YOUR HEAD.
[ ] You would not absolutely flip your shit if some woman materialized to comfort you while you cried and offered to furnish you with a coach, horses, footmen, and, oh, yeah, a dress.
[ ] You’re gullible enough to think that that step-devil of yours would actually let you go to the ball if you finished your chores. (I mean seriously, girlie. She’s been treating you like a slave for most of your life.)

AUR “IF I NEVER SLEEP AGAIN IT WILL BE TOO SOON” ORA

[ ] You wouldn’t put your foot down about the whole color-changing dress thing. PICK A COLOR, LADIES. AND HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN THE COLOR PURPLE? (Also, props to Fauna for playing it neutral. Of course, she was busy baking 50-tiered birthday cake.)
[ ] Despite a marked lack of voice training, you’ve got an upper range Charlotte Church would kill for.
[ ] When it comes to sleeping, you are a CHAMP.
[ ] Given the choice between life as a peasant girl living in the forest and singing with animals or living as a princess with not one, not two, but THREE fairy godmothers, you’d choose the forest. For a man. Whom you know NOTHING about. He could be an axe murderer, for all you know.
[ ] You’re surrounded by people who don’t have the brains to warn you about things that could kill you, like swords, black ice, and spinning wheels.
[ ] You’ve attended a party where an uninvited guest showed up, and she was PISSED. And a wee bit vengeful. (No worries if said guest wasn’t an evil fairy who, inexplicably, is hell-bent on ruining your life. Nobody’s perfect.)
[ ] You’ve slept through an epic battle, or its equivalent, that would ultimately determine your fate. (Extra point if said battle/battle-equivalent included the love of your life and/or fire.)

MU “’SCUSE ME WHILE I KICK THIS GUY’S ASS WITH A FAN” LAN

[ ] You’ve got male friends perfectly willing to dress up as women and flirt with burly guards. As a favor.
[ ] You’ve ever cheated on a test by writing the answers on your arm. And still failed.
[ ] You’re good with explosives.
[ ] You’ve made some pretty bad enemies in your day. Happily, most of them are taken care of. (Extra point if you took care of them yourself.)
[ ] You’ve ever drastically changed your hair.
[ ] You’ve seen enough naked men to last you a lifetime. By accident.
[ ] You would happily draw a mustache on the Thunderous Matchmaker’s face.

BE “HE LOOKS KINDA WEIRD HUMAN, BUT AT LEAST WE GET TO KISS NOW” LLE

[ ] You want adventure in the great wide somewhere. And you want it bad. More than you can tell, really. And if someone could just UNDERSTAND for once, it would be nice. Grand, even.
[ ] You really like to read, and you love books. And despite these things, you are totally cool with it when some idiot sheep waltzes over and EATS PART OF A PAGE out of your favorite book, while it is sitting right on your lap.
[ ] You have an incredibly embarrassing family member who, miraculously, doesn’t embarrass you.
[ ] You’ve ever been nearly concussed by a piece of flying firewood.
[ ] You have been plagued by the same jerk of a suitor FOREVER. And he is positively primeval. And the dimple in his chin is not endearing. And eating raw eggs for breakfast is not manly. It is STUPID.
[ ] If a man offered you a tremendous, two-storey library with wrought iron spiral staircases and floor-to-ceiling windows, you’d marry him, no questions asked.
[ ] The guy you love is in a really awkward situation—and it’s his own fault. ’cause he was a JERK to an old woman who wanted shelter from the bitter cold. She even offered him a single rose in return. But he sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. And oh shit: SHE WAS AN ENCHANTRESS. But hey, hindsight’s 20/20. And you’re willing to let bygones be bygones.

SNOW “I COOK, I CLEAN, I SING THROUGH MY NOSE” WHITE

[ ] Someone has wanted you dead. (Extra point if they hired someone to take care of it.)
[ ] Forest creatures are your friends, except for when you’re lost in the forest in the dark and their eyes are glowing and the trees’ branches seem like claws, groping for you in the darkness—and you lose your cape, DAMMIT.
[ ] You pop your collar.
[ ] Most of your friends are shorter than you.
[ ] The guy you love is not so much “handsome” as he is “pretty.” “Man pretty,” if we’re being generous.
[ ] You, like Cinderella, have defied your evil stepmother/fifth grade teacher/academic advisor and managed, somehow, to not have a crippling inferiority complex.
[ ] Anyone has ever tried to represent any part of your anatomy with that of a pig.

POCA “I NOW KNOW THAT THOSE WERE NOT CLOUDS, BUT SAILS” HONTAS

[ ] Your father is a chief. Of anything.
[ ] Your father has ever been ten different kinds of NOT O.K. with the object of your affection.
[ ] You’ve ever visited someone in jail.
[ ] You feel as close to nature as you do to your fellow species. Particularly the heron and the otter, who are your friends.
[ ] You’d happily risk being brained by your club-wielding father if it meant saving the one you love.
[ ] Your father is prone to spouting true but nevertheless irritating platitudes.
[ ] Your kind of-betrothed managed to simultaneously get himself shot dead and break your mother’s necklace.

JAS “THAT’S ODD, MY HAIR SEEMS SIGNIFICANTLY SHORTER WHEN IT’S LOOSE” MINE

[ ] You have an unorthodox pet. Like a TIGER.
[ ] You are taller than one of your parents.
[ ] Some creeptown old man wanted to marry you and tried to trick your parent or guardian into thinking it was O.K. (And nearly pulled it off.)
[ ] Someone you know can do that cool apple trick where they put it on their shoulder and it rolls off their elbow.
[ ] You’ve ever stolen something by accident—or, at least, without realizing it was punishable by amputation.
[ ] You’ve ever been forced to wear an outfit that you REALLY didn’t like and was, quite frankly, tasteless.
[ ] Your earrings dwarf your face.

ARI “I NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE” EL

[ ] You are nothing like your siblings, although you do all share a common genetic defect. Like a fish tail.
[ ] You dealt with some pretty nasty (fat, slimy, live-shrimp-eating) characters to get what you wanted, only to find out that your dad had it all along.
[ ] You’ve ever used an eating utensil incorrectly.
[ ] You often find yourself unable to speak when you really, really need to say something.
[ ] You’ve ever been bullied into signing a contract you (and perhaps a lawyer or two) really should have read over first.
[ ] You have an extensive collection of something, and most people fail to grasp its appeal.
[ ] You often defy rules of color coordination and dress yourself in shades that clearly clash with your hair color.